Scott's 2016 Predictions of All Kinds

Greetings. This page will include Scott's predictions pertaining to the 2016th year in the Gregorian calendar. Sports, politics, fake sports, and other things of note.

My first prediction is for years 2017-2026, but Doug Funkie (Arbitrator of Prediction Pages and Uup Fries) is allowing it to be posted on this page. Thanks Doug.

Scott predicts the next 10 Super Bowls
Super Bowl LI – NRG Stadium (Houston) – February 5, 2017 – New England Patriots defeat Carolina Panthers

Brady gets his “one for the thumb” as we see a battle of the most talented teams in their respective conferences. With Kelvin Benjamin returning from his injury, the Panthers’ offense will be even better than this past year, when they were phenomenal (save for the Super Bowl). Brady wins his final super bowl before Father Time catches up to him.

Super Bowl LII – U.S. Bank Stadium (Minneapolis) – February 4, 2018 – Green Bay Packers defeat Pittsburgh Steelers

A rematch seven years in the making, as Aaron Rodgers gets a strong enough team around him to overcome his annual practice of losing to either Seattle or Arizona. On the other side of the coin, injuries catch up to a banged up Ben Roethlisberger as he plays like Manning did this year. The Steelers don’t have the defense to bail him out. The Packers win this game in Viking territory, while this game marks the beginning of the end for this Steelers team. Big Ben’s skills diminish, making Tomlin’s ineptitude more obvious.

Super Bowl LIII – Mercedes Benz Superdome (New Orleans) – February 3, 2019 – Baltimore Ravens defeat Carolina Panthers

The Ravens looked bad in 2015, but give Ozzie Newsome a top 10 draft pick and he will hit a home run! In this case, third-year DE DeForest Buckner will lead a rejuvenated Ravens “D” along with second-year LB Charles Harris (2017 Draft, Missouri), while veteran leaders Terrell Suggs and Elvis Dumerville (36 and 35, respectively) ride off into the sunset. To their credit, they do not contemplate this over Budweiser. Joe Flacco enters into his mid-30s with another ring, and a young defense that may give him a shot at another one. Meanwhile, after losing three Super Bowls in four years, Cam Newton will be accused of not being able to win the big one. We will have to see if he can prove all of these nay-sayers wrong.

Super Bowl LIV – Mercedes Benz Stadium (Atlanta) – February 2, 2020 – Washington Wildcats defeat Mexico City Raiders

Once known as the Redskins, the Wildcats were forced to pick a new name that is “generic and boring” by the overly liberal Supreme Court back in 2018. Their logo became a soothing “block W.”  You may also remember that after the Rams moved to Los Angeles in 2016 and the Chargers followed in 2017, Mark Davis had a hissy fit and eventually moved his team to Mexico City in 2018, becoming the first team to reside outside of the United States.

As far as the game goes, perennial all-pros Kirk Cousins and Derrick Carr lead an offensive clinic, as neither team has that good of a defense. The Wildcats end up winning, but they don’t have a lot of fans show up to the parade as they are still mad about the name change.

Super Bowl LV – Google Stadium (Inglewood, CA) – February 7, 2021 – Houston Texans defeat New York Giants

The Giants always seem to randomly get to a Super Bowl every ten years, and Eli Manning tries to retire as a champion like his brother Peyton. Unfortunately, he runs into a tough Texans defense led by JaDaveon Clowney and J.J. Watt. Ageless wonder Brandon Weeden leads Houston’s offense to do just enough to win. The Browns are now one of only three teams to have never made the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl LVI – Estadio Azteca (Mexico City, Mexico) – February 6, 2022 – Mexico City Raiders defeat Green Bay Packers

The Raiders become the first team to play at their home stadium in the first Super Bowl played outside the United States. The Packers’ platoon of Aaron Rodgers and second-year QB Dylan McCaffery works well all year, as they don’t have the wear-and-tear that most quarterbacks have. Defensive players have become bigger and stronger over the last few years leading to Cris Collinsworth and other morons calling for quarterbacks to wear red jerseys like they do in practices and have been doing in preseason games since 2018. This will lead to teams trying out the platoon system over the next few years much like many other offensive fads (the read option and wildcat to name a couple) and calls from some in the game for there to be “quarterback rotations” like teams have pitching rotations in baseball. The platoon fad will not last though, as most teams are not able to find two quality quarterbacks (or one such QB in the Browns’ case).

Back to the game, Derek Carr establishes himself as the top quarterback of the early 2020s as, with the home fans behind him, the Raiders dominate the Packers. Seventh-year WR Amari Cooper is in the prime of his career and has three TD receptions in the win.

Super Bowl LVII – Levi’s Stadium (San Francisco, CA) – February 19, 2023 – Carolina Panthers defeat Cleveland Browns

Yes, I said the Cleveland Browns. Josh Gordon returns after eight years of ineligibility and, at age 31, has a breakout season. After years of changing regimes, owner Dee Haslam decided to stick with the Jackson/Goff combination even after going 3-13 and 5-11 their first two seasons (although this could be attributed to her not paying as much attention due to Jimmy’s federal trial and eventual prison sentence). Years of high draft picks and a somewhat-competent front office lead the Browns to finally do well (see 2008 Tampa Bay Rays), but not well enough. 12th year QB Cam Newton finally gets the monkey off his back as he and a now-good receiving corps burn a poor Browns’ secondary (some things never change) en route to a blow-out victory. But hey Cleveland, you suffered through the Drive, the Fumble, the Shot, the Mesa, the 2007 Indians’ choke against Boston, Model leaving town, LeBron spurning the Cavs twice (most recently in 2017, when he and Dwayne Wade joined Carmelo Anthony on the Knicks), and Francisco Lindor’s uncharacteristic throwing error that cost the Indians a trip to the 2019 World Series - at least the Browns are good again!

The Super Bowl was pushed back to the third Sunday of February this year, thanks to the League’s global expansion (adding teams in London, Frankfurt, Barcelona, and St. Louis) and expanding the regular season to 18 games in 20 weeks and adding an extra round to the playoffs. Good thing the preseason was reduced to two games or we would have a super bowl in March!)

Super Bowl LVIII – Hulu Stadium (Miami Gardens, FL) – February 17, 2024 – Baltimore Ravens defeat San Francisco 49ers

At this point, it’s quite hard to predict the Super Bowl participants (as I used a random number generator to predict the Niners) but as they are led by Steve Young, Jr. (a.k.a “the Young Steve Young"), this prediction isn’t that far fetched.  Joe Flacco is in his 16th season, and as seems to be the case every 5 years or so, he has a very good team around him and will win his third ring.

Super Bowl LIX – Drones ‘R’ Us Field (Washington, DC) – March 9, 2025 – A.F.C Barcelona defeat Las Vegas Chargers

With the second wave of European expansion, the NFL now has 40 teams with 20 making it to the playoffs. The Super Bowl has been pushed back to the second week of March to accommodate the larger playoff field. Also pushing the Super Bowl back is the NFL’s decision to have a double-elimination playoff system until the conference championship games, meaning more postseason games and more money. I’m surprised Commissioner Donald Trump, or his predecessor Roger Goodell, didn’t think of this sooner as they are always looking for ways to make the product worse while adding more green to their pockets. On the plus side, this allows cities further north to host a Super Bowl, and our nation’s capital makes a fine choice. You may recall that when Fed Ex went out of business in 2021 due to nobody shipping things via ground, Drones ‘R’ Us purchased the naming rights to the former Fed Ex Field  for a record $50 million per year.

You may remember that after the Chargers moved to LA, they did not get the crowds that they were expecting because the Chargers are Los Angeles' fourth favorite professional football team (after the Raiders, Rams, and USC), and people from San Diego don't want to drive hours to see a team who shunned them. So after just five years, the Chargers moved to Las Vegas where the fans and gambling degenerates embraced them. After moving to Las Vegas, the Chargers acquired QB Blake Bortles, who was fed up with the Jaguars' schedule (As the Jags annually play three home games in Jacksonville and two each in London, Rome, and Tokyo - as the NFL tries to expand its presence into Asia)

A.F.C. (American Football Club) Barcelona became the first European team to make it to the Super Bowl, and they won thanks to a game winning field goal by kicker Lionel Dirty.

Super Bowl LX – Wembley Stadium (London, England) – March 22, 2026 – St. Louis Trumps defeat Philadelphia Eagles

The Trumps, part of the 2022 expansion, were named after Commissioner Trump and required to keep that nickname, or they would be relocated to Siberia and forced to pay for a wall to keep them there. This Super Bowl is in London, as now every tenth Super Bowl is required to be played in Europe. The expansion of the regular season to 20 games pushed the Super Bowl back another two weeks.

St. Louis, led by head coach Peyton Manning and quarterback Bradley Feeney, wins with an aerial attack (as the running game has largely been abandoned over the past five years, although sometimes teams will run to keep the defense honest). Trumps; wide receiver Dwayne Bowe, who had a mammoth comeback after a horrible season with the Browns 10 years earlier, emerged as a top receiving threat and leader for the Trumps. Bowe would retire after this game. Meanwhile, the Eagles have come back after a decade of mediocrity to surprise everyone in to get to the super bowl. This can be attributed to a strong 2025 draft that included starting QB Manning Romo and TE LeBron James, Jr. The Trumps win a close one, 27-24, a relatively low scoring game in this day and age, as kicker Little Marco Rubio, who just became old enough to play professional football according to commissioner Trump, hit the 67-yard game winner.

Bonus: Super Bowl C - Lambeau Field (Green Bay, Wisconsin) – April 26, 2066 – New York Giants defeat San Antonio Bengals

As the NFL continued to expand and extend its playoffs, the Super Bowl has been pushed all the way back to the end of April. When combining the later Super Bowl date with the effects of Global Warming, it is now against NFL policy to play the Super Bowl in the south unless it is played in a dome.

The Giants continue the trend that they started way back in the 1980s, appearing in Super Bowls periodically but never having a long string of dominance. But that is becoming common, as only once since 2004 have we had a repeat champion (that being the Hines Ward-coached Pittsburgh Steelers who won three in a row in the late 2030s). The Bengals, on the other hand, have been struggling for much of the last 50 years. Way back in January 2016, LB Vontaze Burfict and CB Adam "Pac Man" Jones decided to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in a playoff game, and it has been down hill ever since. The Bengals entered into a 10-year stretch of having 6 or 7 wins seemingly every year and Marvin Lewis was fired after 2016 for struggling and for failing to control his team. They hit rock bottom in 2027, going 1-19 that year. The fans had given up on the team, and they eventually moved to San Antonio in 2029.

The Giants made it to the big game by defeating the Dubai Heat in the NFC Championship Series, while the Bengals defeated the Cleveland Browns in the AFC Championship Series, adding more lore to the Cleveland Sports Curse, which is now over a century old. The Cavaliers had almost broken the curse back in 2060, but LeBron James III scored the game-winning buzzer-beater into the wrong basket in Game 7 of that year's NBA Finals, to give the title to the Seattle SuperSonics Presented by Starbucks.

Giants' honorary Captain Odell Beckham Jr, at age 73 and looking very good for a middle-aged man, called "heads" for the ceremonial coin toss and won! The Giants chose to be awarded the ball to start the 2nd half, while the Bengals will start the game with the ball. You may recall that the kickoff was outlawed back in 2029 and after a score, the team who conceded the score will automatically get the ball at its own 25 yard line.

The Giants won the game in a 45-35 as QB Robert Griffin V had four touchdown throws and another two touchdown runs. Bengals' quarterback Doug Tentacles also had four TD passes, three of which went to his favorite target, WR A. J. Chrome. Defense didn't exist in this game, but that isn't surprising due to the rule changes over the past 70 years that make it very hard for a defensive player not to get flagged.

The next week, the Philadelphia Eagles selected QB Ned Flanders out of Ohio University with the top overall pick. Ohio U has become the state's college football powerhouse after Ohio State's football program was given the death penalty for paying its players and being stupid enough to get caught.

After the 4th of July holiday, training camp began for all 64 teams throughout the world. Who knows what will happen in the next 100 years of football? I'm not going to even try to predict it. Not yet anyway!

2016 MLB Predictions
AL East

1.       Boston Redsox (3) – The AL East is probably the hardest division to pick because there are a lot of good teams and no real great team. But what separates the Sox from the rest of the pack is their recent acquisitions, specifically David Price. Their bullpen also looks as good as it did in the Terry Francona era. I only think they will win 89ish games, but that should be enough in this division where everyone beats up on each other.

2.      Toronto Blue Jays (1st team out) – Yes the Jays’ offense is phenomenal, leading the league in runs (by almost a full run per game over the next team) in 2015, but their pitching is suspect at best. I still think they’ll be pretty good, especially with Troy Tulowizski there from day one plus big boppers Bautista and Encarnacion, but they will need some trade deadline help if they want to repeat as division champs.

3.      New York Yankees – They made some nice acquisitions in the offseason, such as adding Chapman to an already strong bullpen. They also have a young core (odd about the Yankees) and will look to build upon their 87-win playoff campaign in 2015, although they will fall short of that.

4.      Baltimore Orioles – These guys have won more games than any other ball club since 2012 (wow!) but they will struggle this year, as their rotation sucks.

5.      Tampa Bay Rays – A sub-par season lasy year and they stood pat in a season they really couldn’t afford to.

AL Central

1.       Kansas City Royals (1) – The champs are back with almost their full roster from 2015 (all they lost were a couple trade deadline acquisitions but the Royals were one of the best teams in MLB before the deadline, so they’ll be fine.  Their line-up boasts gentlemen like Perez, Gordon, Hosmer, and Escobar.  Their bullpen is phenomenal, but their rotation is not so good.  Hopefully they can do enough to get 6 innings in and toss it to the aforementioned bullpen and they will be just fine.

2.      Cleveland Indians (4) – The Indians had a somewhat quiet off-season, but they added a couple role players in Davis and Napoli who should do well with this young group of players. They may start out slow as Michael Brantley, the focal point of their offense, is out for the first month. I am concerned because he Tribe has a habit of starting out slow and not picking up the pace until it’s too late, particularly those players who share names with famous musicians. Their rotation is one of the best in baseball and will keep them in many games. Kluber and Carrasco (and possibly Salazar and dark horse Anderson) could all emerge as Cy Young candidates. If the offense can get 4 or 5 consistently, the team will be fine.

3.      Detroit Tigers (5) – The Tigers had a strong off-season with the additions of Zimmerman, Lowe, Upton, and K-Rod. On paper, the Tigers would be right up there with the Royals, but these guys are underachievers.

4.      Minnesota Twins – These young guys have a lot of potential but they will take a step back after seriously overachieving last year. Not to take anything away from manager Paul Molitor, but these guys have little to no veteran leadership. They did bring in Byung Ho Park, who thrived in the Korean league last year, but their pitching is n’est pas good.

5.      Chicago White Sox – Much like the Tigers, these guys are underachievers, and have been ever since they won the World Series back in 2005. They made many additions in the off-season (Frasier, Lawrie, Avila), but only Frasier, if anyone, will have any impact. LaRoche’s surprising retirement will also hurt the Sox Their rotation is decent, in particular against division rival Cleveland. I think Jose Quintana is a dark horse Cy Young Candidate. Overall, this team is bad.

AL West

1.       Houston Astros (2) – Carlos Correa is a serious MVP candidate and has the potential to be as good of a player as Michael trout. With core guys like Altuve, Springer, and Kuchel, these guys may be scary good. And new closer Ken Giles isn’t too shabby either. I wouldn’t rule out 100 wins, but I think they will be in the low-to-mid 90s.

2.      Settle Mariners (2nd team out) – Adam Lind will bolster their offense, and they have good pitching. Also working in the Mariners’ favor is the fact that in each of the last two years, the team with MLB’s longest playoff drought at the time (2014 Royals and 2015 Blue Jays) made it to the Playoffs. Now that honor goes to Seattle, but I think they will fall just short.

3.      Texas Rangers – This team has so many question marks, I could see them go far in the playoffs, and I could see them lose 90 games, but  I will peg them somewhere in the middle. Yu Darvish is coming back from Thomas John surgery and Josh Hamilton is having knee issues.

4.      Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – Albert Pujols’ foot injury may linger into the season which means a slow start for these gentlemen. But with or without him, they have a bad offense who finished next to last in the AL in runs a season ago, and unlike the Indians, don’t have the pitchin’ to back it up.

5.      Large Gap

6.      Oakland Athletics – These guys are the only team in the AL that I can say with some degree of certainty will not make the playoffs (although I said the same thing about the Twins last year and, while they didn’t make the playoffs, they were quite good). Their biggest issue was the bullpen and they addressed it with guys like Madson, Hendricks, Axford, and Rzepczynski, but I know firsthand that one of them sucks and another one is an average match-up guy at best. Their offense isn’t that good either, but they have a pretty good rotation.

NL East

1.       New York Mets (1) – I do not think the Mets are the best team in the NL, but I do think they will be the #1 seed because a quarter of their games are against Philadelphia and Atlanta. The Metropolitans bring back much of their team that went to the World Series a year ago and it all starts with their McRotation lead by DeGrom and Harvbey and Cespedes leading the 1 through 9.

2.      Washington Nationals – I am one of the few to think there is a large gap between the Mets and Nats. The Nationals are under the leadership of Dusty Baker who will try to control the all of the big egos in Washington (and this is before the biggest ego of them all becomes president). But with Steven Strasburgh in a contract year, he may lead this team to do more than I was expecting.

3.      Miami Marlins – Probably the most confident I have ever been in a third place predictions, as they are staring up at two juggernauts and down at the two worst teams in baseball.

4.      Atlanta Braves – I’ll give them the edge over Philly since they have Bourn and Swisher. Yes I know they suck, but former Cleveland athletes always do well. I still only have them at 62-100.

5.      Philadelphia Phillies – 105 losses is certainly a possibility for these gentlemen, so I put them at 57-105. Awful, eh?

NL Central

1.       Chicago Cubs (2) – The Cubs were strong last year, and I think they will get stronger this year, overtaking the Cardinals for the NL Central crown. Their line-up is strong, as is their bullpen. They lack in the rotation behind Arrieta and an overrated Jon Lester, but could make a deadline deal to improve their rotation. Their bullpen is also respectable.

2.      St. Louis Cardinals (4) – Also a good team, the Cardinals will make it to the playoffs, coming just short fo the Cubs for the NL Central

3.      Pittsburgh Pirates (2nd team out) – The race for that second wild card in the NL will be a fun one between the Buccos, teams from the west, Nationals, and maybe even the Marlins. This is a “gap” year as the Pirates have a lot of talent still on their MLB rooster, with more coming up from a strong farm system (Brick Heck whispers “farm system”).

4.      Milwaukee Brewers – Their pitching is awful, they will lose a lot of 12-11 contests, a la Virginia Beach

5.      Northern Kentucky Reds – They are a punching bag in this division, along with the aforementioned Brewers. The Reds’ pitching is awful, especially their bullpen who will turn a few Ws into Ls, and a few Ls, into bigger Ls.

NL West

1.       San Francisco Giants (3) – Its an even year. But beyond that, these guys added Samardzia, Cueto, and Span.

2.      Arizona Diamondbacks (5) – With additions of Grienke and Miller, the D-Backs have a top-tier rotation to go along with an up-and-coming line-up

3.      Los Angeles Dodgers (1st team out) – Falling just short of Arizona, possibly going into a one-game tiebreaker (you thought I was going to use a banned phrase there, didn’t you?) They still have Clayton Kershaw, but replacing Grienke with Kazmir is quite the downgrade.

4.      San Diego Padres – meh

5.      Colorado rockies – meh

Playoffs

Wild Card Games

AL:  CLEVELAND over Detroit – I’ll take Kluber over any of the Tigers pitchers. Plus the Indians don’t struggle against Detroit like they did earlier in the decade

NL:  ST. LOUIS over Arizona – Experience over youth, plus Arizona may not be able to pitch Grienke or Miller due to having to get into the playoffs first.

Division Series

AL:  KANSAS CITY 3, Cleveland 2 – Royals are a better all-around team, but the Indians’ pitching keeps them in the series

AL:  HOUSTON 3, Boston 1 – Correa’s breakout campaign continues

NL:  San Francisco 3, CHICAGO 1 – Sorry Cubs, this isn’t your year either. The even-year lore continues.

St. Louis 3, NEW YORK 1 – Should be some very entertaining games

League Championship Series

AL:  KANSAS CITY 4, Houston 3 – I think this series comes down to the wire, as the Royals and Astros are clearly the premier rosters in the AL

NL:  St. Louis 4, SAN FRANCISCO 1 – The Giants’ even year lore ends here. But it is kind of a silly lore. This sets up a rematch of the classic 1985 World Series.

World Series

ST. LOUIS 4, Kansas City 3 – Should be equally as thrilling as when these two teams met 31 years earlier, but hopefully without the horrible umpires.

You may have noticed that the Cardinals have home advantage in the World Series. This is because I predicted the National League All Stars to beat the Kansas City Royals in the mid-summer classic in San Diego.

Awards

AL MVP:  Carlos Correa – Will break out this year, which is saying something after his break out rookie campaign

NL MVP:  Bryce Harper – Just entering his prime and last year he led the NL in most major offensive categories (pause for the obligatory salute). Too bad his team is not very good.

AL Cy Young: Dallas Kuchel – He will win it for the second straight year, as, yeah he’s just that good. But be on the look-out for the usual suspects (Hernandez, Price), any Indians starter who does not share a surname with a 24 character, or a strong pitcher on a bad team (Sale, Quintana, Archer, Gray). This should be an interesting race.

NL Cy Young:  Max Scherzer – I don’t know of any team to have an MVP and Cy Young winner and miss the playoffs, but that’s how messed up the Nationals are. Scherzer, though, is quite good and will win a race that includes Arrieta, Kershaw, and Bumgarner.

AL Rookie of Year: Joey Gallow – Gallo has power a la Babe Ruth but struggled to make consistent contact against major league pitching in September call ups. He'll make the necessary adjustments to become a reliable force in the middle of Texas' lineup.

NL Rookie of the Year:  Corey Seager – The next in a long line of young shortstops, Seager played very well in September call-ups for the Doyers.

2016 WBB
AL East

1. Kabutos (1) - Best rotation in all of WBB, and even with the mishap of signing and quickly releasing Christopher Christie, this squad has enough talent to easily win the division.

2. Anchors - Good rotation but the team ain't getting any younger

3. WBB Players - Just a hunch.

4. Propels - They haven't been that good since the Glory Year and some questionable moves they have recently made will catch up to them.

5. Druggies - Duuuuuude, like I want Taco Bell. But seriously, I don't think these guys are that good, even if they get Jimmy which is unlikely.

AL Central

1. Generals (2) - They have a core of young people, plus the timely addition of Mike Roma, and the younger version of the Kabutos rotation.

2. Republicans (4) - Despite having a good rotation (even with Santorum's departure) and the best bullpen in the game, the constant fighting between slugger Donald Trumpet and veteran S. Tablishment will linger into the season until one of them gets left behind during the RNC. A relatively quiet off-season, but the addition of utility guy Haywood U. Like-A-Day-Off and first baseman Paul Bryan, the Republicans could still make some noise.

3. El Presidentes - Big Drop between 2nd and 3rd. The Presidentes didn't doo much because of fighting among the front office. GM Kahn Gress refuses to sign CF Justice Surpremo (I know the judge has a real name but I don't know/care what it is) even though team president Barry O'Bama wants to.

4. Gentlemen - Can anyone name four players on this team? Maybe but only because of Bengals-themed players, but the Gents are in total rebuild mode.

5. Homes - These guys are a mess. Expect C Howard Tim to be on the trade market in July.

AL West

1. Nuggets (3) - DH Attack!! is entering into the prime of his carreer, which is bad news for the rest of the division. Plus Russell Chilson got engaged to a celebrity.

2. Something (5) - San Antonio has a large pool of athletes to pull from, and Ted Sail is on a hot streak.

3. Turkeys - They have been screaming "young talent" for years, but now the talent has gotten older. Worked for the Royals, but I don't think it will work for these guys.

4. Oblongs - One of the bigger disappointments, but I think the top four will be within 5-10 games of each other. Wyoming's front office just doesn't seem to care.

5. Melons - They have a good rotation with Cumin, Minivan, Bumgarner, and whoever they get to replace Kaepernate, but their line-up and bullpen both suck. They are pretty much WBB's White Sox.

NL East

1. Dancers (1) – Obviously…  But moreso than that, the Dancers have the best rotation in the entire Atlantic, (Seriously, AndCoke is their #4) and a lineup that features Mauer, Frankenstorm, and Banton among others.

2. Red Solo Cups (5) – Why not. I think their MLB bretheren will do well this year, and I think there will be a close race for 2nd, 3rd, and 4th in this division, but still fall about 10-15 short of the dancers.

3. Jellyfish – Just a couple pitchers away from possibly making it sort of interesting with Ocean. 2015 AAA Pitcher of the year Doug Tennisballs may help with that, but only once every five days.

4. Ghosts– Savannah won’t acclimate to the move all that well, but maybe its because of all the fighting between politician names, HIMYM names, and ghastly and Atlanta player names. They did, however, get rid of DH Nick Dangler, who would just take at bats away from a youngster who may do something with them. But they still have Michael Barn, so who knows.

5. Phillises– Philadelphia has the worst MLB team, the worst NBA team, and a poor NFL team, so it would make sense that heir WBB team also sucks.

NL Central

1. Brios (3, but worse than both WCs and a couple non-playoff teams) – This division is the hardest to pick, as all of the teams suck, but the Brios have Jose Baucoffeesta, Harold Buffalo, and Heyotherhugs Texiera. Their pitching is bad, but not as bad as Virginia Beach’s, so as the saying goes, the Brios are like the Jellyfish on pot. Closer Tim Bits has the stuff to become a premier closer, but the rest of the pitching staff needs to get the games to him or Tim Bits will become stale.

2. Democrats – the Democrats really have a chance to make some noise, but they also have the chance to screw things up. The surprise retirement of C John Calvinson hurts them, but they recently signed Caitlyn Chenner (formerly Bruce Chenner), the first trans-gendered WBB player. Then they spent much of the off-season forcing other teams to be accepting of him/her/it. Controversy has erupted around this team as they have only been paying their first-year concession workers at $9.00/h despite advocating a $15/h minimum wage. So it will be interesting if the Hypocrites… err Democrats… can focus on baseball.

3. Accents – The Accents have the roster that can win this sorry division, but have underachieved recently. Antonio Tan is recovering from a concussion and Ben Rothmorehotdog isn’t getting any younger, but he is a “tough guy.”  Also, Martavis Marsala has been sent to the Druggies for using pot, just as Le’vian Ding makes his return. The Pirate players will have to carry this team.

4. Poles – Much like their MLB counterparts, the Poles will underachieve, even with the addition of Todd Friends. The Poles were caught off guard when Adam LaSpider abruptly retired. They do have a good rotation led by Chris Auction, so they have the potential to do better than 4th.

5. Yizzous – They seem pretty decent, but at the same time kind of average. It depends on guys like Nick Nasty, Nate Metalman, Stu Servemaster, Scott Leftside Slammer,Wayne Makeit, and James Deadweight, who was recently reacquired from LA for some reason. But Pete Penguin is a legit ace, and could contend for the Cy Old is Youngstown does any good this year.

NL West

1. Shark Weeks (2) – Obviously. Adam Civilized is still among the top of the crop as far as hitters go, andthe acquisition of Travis Benjarvus will help too. TheShark, Streams, and Swords are probably the second best top-3 in any rotation.

2. Pineapples (4) – A relatively quiet off-season for Hawaii, so there may be a gap between 1st and 2nd. Hawaii has Tito Rocket and Twister Verlander, then a large gap before #3 starter T.J. Tikihut. Yeah, where’s Charlie? Their line-up needs a trade deadline acquisition in order for this team to compete in the playoffs.

3. Border Crossers– I think the Crossers will be much improved, possibly challenging Hawaii for 2nd or a wild card spot. Frank Anchor-Baby had a strong August and will be a force to be reckoned with being on the roster all year. Teddy Tunnelice looks to have an average year as well, but due to the success of Adrian Beatyourson, Tunnelice may be considered an all-star.

4. Drowners – They are not the Drowners who went to the playoffs last year, or the Drowners who have totally sucked every year before that. Somewhere in between. They don’t have any players from other teams that were forced to play for them this season, so I expect them to take a step back, but still be near .500.

5. Debtors– The Debtors suck, but like Las Vegas itself, the team looks different every few years, so maybe they will be improved.

Playoffs

NL WC: HAWAII over Boston - I'll take Rocket or Verlander over any of Boston's pitchers, and the Solo Cups may need David Appraisal just to get into the playoffs

AL WC: INDIANAPOLIS over San Antonio - Trumpet gets the better of Sail, just like it waill be with their namesakes in July, plus San Antonio will probably get to a hot start but then cool down after the Spurs' season, so they will not have the momentum eha eha

NL Division Series: Hawaii 3, SAN DIEGO 2 - The Sharkweeks should have had multiple Earth Championships, but instead they have none, and this choking may have become an epidemic.

ATLANTIC OCEAN 3, Barie 0 - I had to go back and look at who I picked to win the Central, thats how obvious I think this pick is.

AL Division Series: NEW JERSEY 3, Indianapolis 1 - The Kabutos have had their friendly rivals' number over the past several years, and its tough to win a five game series against this rotation.

CLEVELAND 3, Alaska 2 - Cleveland, like New Jersey, has the rotation to wih a 5-game series (and contain slugger Attack!!)

NL Championship Series

ATLANTIC OCEAN 4, Hawaii 1 - Isn't it great when the two teams are seven hours apart? But on a serious note, th Dancers are a clear favorite and I am too lazy to write more reasons the Dancers will win his series.

AL Championship Series

Cleveland 4, NEW JERSEY 3 - Two of the best rotations do battle here, and I will favor the team with the better bullpen (although that is debatable with the early showings of Ross Defecitwiler and Marsala Shaw)

Earth Series

ATLANTIC OCEAN 4, Cleveland 1 - Ocean isn't gonna be beat by anyone, so it is obvious that they will become the Earth Series Champions for a third year in a row!

National Football League
Football is definitely the hardest sport to predict due to injuries, unexpected breakout performances, and the parity that exists between the NFL's top 31 teams. But I will take a swing at it.

AFC East

(1) Patriots (12-4) - Will probably only go 2-2 sans Brady, but when he comes back he gets a game against the lowly Browns to eliminate some rust. They have one of the offenses around and with the Broncos' lack of offense, the Steelers' inconsistency and their own discipline problems, and the Bengals being the Bengals, New England will still get the 1-seed in the AFC.

Bills (9-7) - The longest playoff drought in the four major sports will get a year longer as the Bills will get close but miss out on the playoffs. Rex Ryan is a very overrated coach. Tyrod Taylor has signed an extension, but he is not very good. And before signing said extention, he wanted no part of the Bills, so we can see how money changes things, so his lack of interest and selfishness may hurt team morale. They have the defense to keep them in most games, and that may put the Bills into the playoffs, but I think they fall justshort.

Dolphins (6-10) - I've picked the Dolphins to challenge the Patriots each of the past three years and they always fall way short. So this year, I am putting them in the "below-average" category, even though I expect Jarvis Landry to have a huge year.

Jets (3-13) - I have the Jets taking a huge step back this year. Ryan Fitzpatrick finally got paid as though he is very good, even though he is not. And their back-up is Geno Smith - that would be like having Donald Trump as your back-up President. They lost some talent on both sides of the ball. And their first six games are against Cincy, Buffalo, Seattle, KC, Pittsburgh, and Arizona - which spells a 1-5 start at best and that is hard to recover from. They do have Darrelle Revis' leadership though, so maybe he can pull them through that tough start.

AFC North

(2) Steelers (11-5) - They are probably the second-best team in the AFC, which says something about how mediocre this conference has become. Ben Roethlisberger is starting to show his age, and Martavis Bryant would rather smoke dope than play football. But they have a lot of good players as well, and Antonio Bryant probably has more WARs than any non-QB if that stat were kept in football.

(6) Bengals (10-6) - I don't think of them as a playoff-team but I am having a tough time thinking of who should replace them, so I gave them the 6-seed. Andy Dalton is still a good regular season QB, and he has A.J. Green to throw to. Their defense is decent, especially if they don't do anything stupid. Brad Fini is a fictional character who has nothing to do with the Bengals. All in all, I think the Bengals have the talent to go 14-2 and cruise to the Super Bowl, and the mental capacity to go 6-10, so I will put them somewhere in between.

Ravens (8-8) - They're not as bad as the injured team that went 5-11, but they are not as good as some of the late 2000s/early 2010s Ravens. They added to the O-line in the draft, and it is dangerous to give Joe Flacco time in the pocket to throw. Too bad he doesn't have anyone to throw to (just an aging Steve Smith, Sr. and an oft-injured Brashad Perriman). Their defense and physical play will keep them in games

Browns (5-11) - They suck, but they have a young core group of guys and a head coach who won the fans over with his press conferences. Blah blah blah Clevelanders are sick of hearing this. They are in year 18 of the 25-year rebuild project, but I actually do see them taking steps in the right direction. Josh Gordon won't be his 2013 self, but if he can stay drug-free, and that's a huge "if," he and Corey Coleman can have a strong 1-2 showing. Also, their offensive line sucks, so RG3 better be ready to run a lot in the pocket.

AFC South

(4) Colts (9-7) - Someone has to win this division, so I will give it to the most proven QB in the gang. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much of a team around him. I can only name about three Colts players, which is especially sad because I will use the Colts as a name-feeder to my WBB team.

Jaguars (8-8) - Blake Bortles, much like any of the QBs taken in the 2014 draft not named Johnny, has shown some promise on the field. He has a decent team around him too, and for the first time in almost ten years, the Jags will be decent. With their division not being that great, I could see them dominate the division in the late 2010s.

Texans (7-9) - Brock Osweiller is a great addition, but it is hard to rank someone based on six games in which he also had the best defense in the league. He will still have a good defense, though, with guys like Watt and Clowney. I think the Texans will be mediocre, like the rest of this division, save for the

Titans (5-11) - Marcus Marriota is highly overrated, as he only went 3-13 in the regular season and couldn't even beat the aforementioned Johnny. They did get much better through the Draft, but like the Browns, this is a muiti-year process.

AFC West

(3) Raiders (11-5) The Raiders have been steadily improving under Derek Carr and he will lead them to the playoffs this year. Amari Cooper will have a big year as well, and their defense is underrated.

(5) Chiefs (10-6) - The Chiefs/Raiders rivalry used to be something special, but has died down the last decade or so, as neither team has been consistent. This will not be the case in 2016. The Chiefs continue the momentum they had from winning 11 straight games last year but fall just short of the division crown. Alex Smith is serviceable, plus Jamaal Charles will be healthy again! Not to mention, they have an underrated defense as well.

Broncos (8-8) - This is a disappointing year for the Super Bowl Champs as they are transitioning from the Peyton Manning era. As shown last season, they have the defense to win a Super Bowl, but they have the offense to go 4-12, so I think they will be right at .500. Their QB situation is not very good, to say the least.

Chargers (5-11) - They have Phillip Rivers and a decent receiving corps, but they can't run the ball or stop the run. Kind of like the Browns of the last 17 years in that regard.

NFC East

(4) Giants (10-6) – This looked like it would have been the Cowboys’ year, until Tony Romo got hurt, and he is a big reason for the Cowboys’ success. As far as the Giants go, they were a lowly 6-10 last year, but would have been 11-5 if games were only 58 minutes long. Eli Manning is a future Hall of Fame QB, and O’Dell Beckham is a beast! Their defense is terrible, but should be good enough to win this excuse of a division.

Cowboys (10-6) – Missing Romo will cost them dearly, as the Cowboys are just 1-13 sans Romo the past four years. I don’t think they will do that badly though and actually come close to the playoffs. They do have Zeke Elliott, Jason Witten, Dez Bryant, and the best O-line in the game, so I think Dak Prescott, or whoever the sterter is, will be serviceable, but I don’t see the Cowboy making the playoffs.

Redskins (7-9) – Kirk Cousins isn’t as good as he was last year, but isn’t terrible either. Josh Norman adds a lot to their “D.”

Eagles (3-13) – The Eagles are a mess, but they have long snapper Jon Dorenbos, who is crushing it on America’s Got Talent.

NFC North

(1) Packers (13-3) – I do not think they are the best team in the NFC, but they have the luxury of a soft schedule. Along with their division mates, they play the NFC East and AFC south, which are mediocre, and the only daunting game in their schedule is at Seattle. Aaron Rodgers better have a good year since he may have to carry the Fighting Scots, and Jordy Nelson is back.

Vikings (8-8) – The Bridgewater injury is big, but they have Adrian Peterson to carry the team. Plus one of the more underrated defenses around. Plus, their new stadium looks awesome!

Lions (7-9) – No Megatron = no playoffs. Their offense becomes a lot worse, although they have Matthew Stafford.

Bears (6-10) – DA BEARS! I really cant name any bear except for Jay Cutler and, oddly enough, Robbie Gould.

NFC South

'''(3) Panthers (12-4) – '''The Panthers got better with the return of Kelvin Benjamin, who is probably the top weapon of Cam Newton, which makes last year even more incredible. Unfortunately, their weakest spot last year, their secondary, got weaker with the loss of Josh Norman, but they have enough talent to go around to come close to last year’s success.

(6) Falcons (10-6) – Mat Ryan is very inconsistent, but this will be a “good” year. Plus Julio Jones, who the Browns should have drafted instead of the combo of Phil Taylor, Greg Little, and Brandon Weeden, is a beast. Their defense is alright, and they added Alex Mack, who will offer Ryan some protection in the pocket.

Saints (6-10) – Feeling the Bern didn’t work, and neither will feeling the Brees! Their offense and secondary are alright, but their run defense can’t stop Edna.

Buccaneers (5-11) – I like the Bucs, but they lack talent, especially on defense. Jameis Winston will take the step from good QB to pro bowler, and the Bucs have a nice reeiving corps led by Vincent Jackson and Mike Evans.

NFC West

(2) Seahawks (12-4) – Best defense in the game and a good offense. Thomas Rawls will step in admirably for Marshawn Lynch.

'''(5) Cardinals (10-6) – '''They are a quality team, but Carson Palmer and Lawrence Fitzgerald aren’t getting any younger.

Rams (6-10) – I like this team, but their youthful QB and daunting schedule will hold them back. And a lot of the fans will leave after the second quarter to “beat the traffic,” as is a Los Angeles tradition.

49ers (2-14) – Just awful. Especially with the looming distraction of Colin Kaepernick using his freedom of expression a way that most Americans disagree with. Shame on the media for covering this non-story, otherwise nobody would make a big deal about it. They lack playmakers, especially on offense. Their defense is mediocre at best.

Playoffs

WC Round:

RAIDERS over Bengals - I normally value playoff experience in this type of match-up, but the Bengals have a track record of not being able to win the big one.

Chiefs over COLTS - the Colts should feel lucky that they (kind of) reside in the South, but maybe they can feed off their home fans.

PANTHERS over Falcons - Cam Newton is freakin' awesome. But I do expect this game to be pretty close.

Cardinals over GIANTS - Carson Palmer vs. Eli Manning would have been quite the QB battle ten years ago. But the Giants' lack of a defense will be their un-doing in this contest

Division Round:

STEELERS over Raiders - Now is where experience vs. youth kicks in

PATRIOTS over Chiefs - Just like a year ago. And Tom Brady will be ready to play in his first playoff game after the just suspension for the football deflation scandal.

Panthers over SEAHAWKS - I know its next to impossible to win in Seattle, especially in the playoffs. But the Panthers will change that.

Cardinals over PACKERS - The Packers show that they are not as good as their record leads on, and Rodgers can not get past Arizona/Seattle in the playoffs, no matter how much he tries.

Conference Championship:

PATRIOTS over Steelers - The Pats are clearly the premier team in the AFC and have a chip on their shoulders. I think they will get back to the Super Bowl, which would be their 7th in the Brady era

PANTHERS over Cardinals - Just like last year

Super Bowl:

Patriots over Panthers - Brady gets his “one for the thumb” as we see a battle of the most talented teams in their respective conferences. With Kelvin Benjamin returning from his injury, the Panthers’ offense will be even better than this past year, when they were phenomenal (save for the Super Bowl). Brady wins his final super bowl before Father Time catches up to him. Also, Brady will be more rested thanks to his four game suspension and he wants everyone to know how freakin' awesome he is. A mad Brady is a good Brady.

Presidential Election
In my opinion, the election will come down to the following swing states: Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, North Carolina, and Ohio, as well as Maine's 2nd congressional district - totaling 99 Electoral votes. Clinton has 259 in the bag (although some may speculate that states like Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Wisconsin may still be in play, I do not) to Trump's 180 (unless he goes crazy or has another scandal or three, and assuming no crazy McMuffins in Utah, which is a pretty safe assumption eha eha). Meaning that Trunp would have to win 90 of the 99 EVs available, to Clinton needing 11. She can win this thing with just North Carolina OR Ohio OR Florida, while Trump needs pretty much everything else (although he can give back New Hamshire, Nevada, Colorado, or that single vote in Maine). It looks like we will have a terrible president, but we have havent had a good president since Bush. I'm talking about Mr. H.W. Bush by the way.

Alabama: Trump, obviously

Alaska: Trump - Usually republicans run away with Alaska but the two are polling alarmingly close, but Donald will still win here.

Arizona: Trump - Barely. Trump alienated a lot of the Arizona Republicans with his comments on John McCain, plus Arizona isn't the reddest of red states to begin with. He wins a close one, then it reverts to Red for the 2020s.

Arkansas: Trump - 'nother southern hick state votes for the Donald.

California: Clinton, no explanation needed

Colorado: Clinton - She has been polling ahead recently, and there are a large amount of Latinos in the state that dislike Trump.

Connecticut: Clinton - no surprise here

Delaware: Clinton - Brad has trouble finding Delaware on a map.

Florida: Clinton - This will be very close, but in the end, there will be enough Latinos voting for Hillary to counteract the senior citizens voting for Trump.

Georgia: Trump - Closer than it usually is, but that is becoming a theme for traditional Red states

Hawaii: Clinton - in other news, the sky is blue.

Idaho: Trump - see Hawaii comment

Illinois: Clinton - see Idaho comment

Indiana: Trump - Closer than this traditional reddish state normally is, but won't flip a la 2008. Even with Pence's unpopularity in the state, Trump's falling numbers overall, and a senate race featuring popular Democrat (and potential Clinton running mate) Bayh, Trump will edge out Clinton here.

Iowa: Trump - One of his few swing state victories here. Trump has consistently been polling ahead in Iowa.

Kansas: Trump - by a good margin

Kentucky: Trump, despite one known defector in the Newport region

Louisiana: Trump - by a good margin

Maine: Clinton - There are a lot of dweeby liberals in New England, wearing tweed jackets and acting smarter than they really are

ME-01: Clinton - by a huge amount

ME-02: Clinton - barely. Never has Maine split its electoral votes, and do you really think Trump would be the first to cause that to happen?

Maryland: Clinton - A bunch of crabby democrats, but these people have actually heard of Martin O'Malley prior to this election cycle.

Massachusetts: Clinton - The Spirit of Massachusetts is the Spirit of America

Michigan: Clinton - Some say Trump will win this union-loving state, but their optomism is misguided.

Minnesota: Clinton - Obviously a democrat, from the state that brought you Walter Mondale and Al Frankford

Mississippi: Trump - Again polling alarmingly close, but I see Trump holding the south.

Missourt: Trump - Polls have consistently shown him having a small lead.

Montana: Trump

Nebraska: Trump - Cornhuskers generally vote "R."

NE-01: Trump - This rural district will go Trump

NE-02: Trump - Definitely the closest of Nebraska's three districts, but still Trump by a decent margin.

NE-03: Trump - eha eha

New Hampshire: Clinton - The most likely to be a swing state in New England (despite what some Maine polls have been showing), this state will embrace its democratic roots.

New Jersey: Clinton - Even though Chris Christie's size earns him four votes, it is still not enough for the land of Kabutos to vote Trump.

New Mexico: Clinton - Gary Johnson's home state is probably the only state he has even a remote chance of winning, but that's not gonna happen. Clinton wins this blue state. She has been polling well ahead of Trump and Johnson, except one crazy Ipsos poll that showed Trump with a 15-point lead - LOL

New York: Clinton - Super obvious one

Nevada: Trump - Clinton has been polling slightly ahead here, but I think the group of people who hate Harry Reid will narrowly give Joe Heck that senate seat over the thrice-named lady that Reid chose as his replacement, while also allowing Trump to carry the Debtor State.

North Carolina: Clinton - She is playing off the bathroom-bill crowd and has been polling slightly ahead all season.

North Dakota: Trump - There you go, Donald, another nothing state (awaiting angry letters from North Dakotans).

Ohio: Trump - In part because of this writer's vote for Trump, Mrs. Bill Clinton will lose the Buckeye state by the narrowest of margins. Ohio will hopefully continue its trend of picking the winning candidate, but other states will not allow this.

Oklahoma: Trump - easy

Oregon: Clinton - This state has been polling closer than usual, but not close enough to be in play.

Pennsylvania: Clinton - While Pennsylvania  is an almost certain lock for the former First Lady, the Trump camp wants people to think it is closer than it actually is because of a contentious Senate race.

Rhode Island: Clinton - This state is the home of the most liberal talking dog in the world. And a bunch of other liberal bigots.

South Carolina: Trump - Some say this could be a toss-up. They are wrong.

South Dakota: Trump - None say this is a toss-up. They would be wrong.

Tennessee: Trump - While many from the Volunteer State would have preferred a Trump-(Bill) Haslam ticket, they will get behind the Trump-Pence ticket as well.

Texas: Trump - Polling a lot closer than Texas usually polls, but not even close to being in play.

Utah: Trump - Evan McMullin makes it very close, but Trump pulls it out at the end.

Vermont: Clinton - Bernie Sanders supporters in his home state will go for Clinton (although there are still a lot of Bernie-or-Bust people out there who are voting for Trump or Sanders as a write in - the latter of those people being morons).

Virginia: Clinton - She would have probably won this purple-becoming-blue state anyway, but adding Kaine to her ticket was the clincher.

Washington: Clinton - The home of $15.00/h Starbucks Barristas, hippies, and pass-happy football coaches will vote for Hillary

West Virginia: Trump - They will vote for him after their lunch consisting of hicken and moonshine.

Wisconsin: Stein - Just kidding. She is not a good candidate. Instead, the Land of Cheese will vote for the Cheesiest candidate out there: Clinton.

Wyoming: Trump - eha eha

Total: Clinton 317, Trump 221, Johnson 0, Stin 0, Fini 0

Democratic gains (from 2012): NC - Republican gains (from 2012): IA, NV, OH

Election called: 10:48

Clinton accepts: 10:49

When Trump concedes: Thursday

Number of times Trump says "rigged" in concession speech: 14

Senate: Republicans 51-49

All non-close states go expected (47-47) and the following states go this way:

Indiana - Young (R)

Missouri - Kander (D)

Nevada - Heck (R)

New Hampshire - Ayotte (R)

North Carolina - Ross (D)

Pennsylvania - Toomey (R)

The other ones arent close. SOme may argue that Florida and Wisconsin are, but Rubio is safe in Florida, especially since the DSCC pulled funding for the Democrat last week. Wisconsin will flip to the Democrat. Darn.

House - Republicans retain control, but lose a net of 12-15 seats, and the folks that sit in those seats.

Totmsburgh Mayor: Incumbent Libertarian Bob Ref defeats Republican Robert Dole, Democrat LaShonda Williams, and write-in candidate Brad Fini

Browns' wins this year: 1 (Christmas Eve over San Diego - Merry Christmas, Cleveland)

Lunch tomorrow: Tacos

Fighting Scots' wins this year: 8

46th president: Marco Rubio

Last prediction of the night: The next one

Time Scott submits his ballot: 5:10