Nick's 2015 Predictions of All Kinds

2015 MLB Standings
AL East :

1) Blue Jays - They will win by default. It's a mediocre division, and it's their turn

2) Yankees - Worst team in the division on paper. They were old and crappy the last two years and still won 80 plus games, so they probably will again.  If this crew was wearing anything other than pinstripes they would be dead last.

3) Rays - I like them. So I'll pick them third. And I have a friend named Ray.

4) Red Sox - Popular pick to win, but I don't buy their starting pitching. It's bad.

5) Orioles - Worst to first, but probably still only 10-12 games behind. Not bad, just no pitching really.

AL Central:

1) Indians - All around best team in the division, especially with bounce back years from the offense. Even the defense was not super crappy the second half.  Pitching is one of the best in the majors.

2) Tigers - Stats say they won't win five divisions in a row. Aging, losing two starting pitchers and injuries say they won't either.

3) White Sox - Actually probably better than Detroit, and will give Indians a run, but giving Tigers benefit for no reason.

4) Royals - A 2007 Rockies reincarnation that lost their best pitcher.

5) Twins - They suck. Their offense is alright I guess, but overall they pretty much suck.

AL West:

1) Angels - Were the best in the AL last year, should be again, though pitching is concern.

2) Mariners - This year's last year's Royals except legit. Developing for a while, ready to succeed.  Poor Eric Wedge.

3) Rangers - Will bounce back, they have to. I blame Prince Fielder and Shin-Soo Choo.  Teams they're on always underachieve.  Question is how much will they bounce back.  Probably a little over .500.

4) Athletics - They completely blew up their team and are still better than the Astros.

5) Astros - They improved this offseason and are still worse than the A's.

AL: Playoffs:

1) Angels

2) Indians

3) Blue Jays

WC1) Mariners

WC2) Tigers

WC: Mariners over Tigers - Continuing a late season run to effectively end this era of Tigers baseball.

ALDS: Indians over Blue Jays - I'm a homer and the Indians match up well against Toronto. Tribe rotation built for 5 game series.

ALDS: Mariners over Angels - Mariners again are this years Royals, and the Angels again are this year's Angels. Mariners 4-1.

ALCS: Mariners over Indians - Just seems like it would happen. Very Clevelandish Game 7 loss will still leave Tribe fans excited for 2016

NL East:

Nationals - No suprise here, best team/rotation in baseball.

Marlins - It just seems kind of Marlinsy if they make the playoffs after sucking for half a decade.

Mets - Improved but will flirt with .500, probably finishing around 84 wins or so.

Braves - Who cares.

Phillies - Them and the Braves are the two worst teams in the NL and are pretty much interchangeable on this list.

NL Central:

Cardinals - No ballsy pick here either as the Cardinals are the best team in their division in literally every facet of the game.

Pirates - Average team, but the most complete of the four average to below average teams in the division.

Cubs - Holy crap the Cubs might finish third.

Reds - Last year the only good part of their team was the starting pitching, so they traded away two of their best. Not a good move. But I'm okay with that because now all summer I won't have to hear about them as I live about a half mile from the smallpark.

Brewers - Idk just kind of there.

NL West:

Dodgers - Filling out my non-adventurous picks for the NL divisions. But hey I have the Mariners in the World Series so I think I'm allowed a few safe picks.

Padres - Offseason "winners" will translate on the field to a certain degree, taking home a wild card. Also Mark is going to San Diego soon.

Diamondbacks - Why not.

Giants - It's an odd numbered year.

Rockies - Doesn't it seem like the Rockies field the same team every year?

NL Playoffs:

1) Nationals

2) Cardinals

3) Dodgers

WC1) Padres

WC2) Marlins

WC: Marlins over Padres - It would be very Marlinsy if they won the Wild Card game after sucking for half a decade.

NLDS: Cardinals over Dodgers - Cardinals have played well in the playoffs recently, Dodgers have not.

NLDS: Nationals over Marlins - Beating the Nationals' starting rotation is nearly impossible in a five game series.

NLCS: Nationals over Cardinals - This is my toughest call so far, but it seems like Washington's year. Very close/competitive series.

World Series:

WS: Nationals over Mariners - Like the 2007 Rockies and 2014 Royals, momentum can only take you so far, and in 2015 pitching wins championships. Though the Mariners have a good rotation also, Washington's is much better.

2015 Indians
Wins: 93

Losses: Do the math

Division: 1st in ALC

Playoffs: Lose in ALCS to Mariners (4-3)

25 Man:

CF Michael Bourn

SS Jose Ramirez

LF Michael Brantley

1B Carlos Santana

RF Brandon Moss

2B Jason Kipnis

C Yan Gomes

DH Nick Swisher

3B Lonnie Chisenhall

BC What's His Name Perez

BN Ryan Raburn

BN Mike Aviles

BN Idk, not Murphy, maybe even an extra bullpen spot

SP Corey Kluber

SP Carlos Carrasco

SP Gavin Floyd

SP Trevor Bauer

SP Danny Salazar (I think it should be House, but these are predictions, not preferences)

RP Zach McAllister

RP Cody Allen

RP Mark Rz.

RP Kyle Crockett

RP Scott Atchison

RP Bryan Shaw - do they still have him?

RP Nick Hagadone

RP CC Lee

Lunch Today
Soup

2015 Kabutos
Wins: 53 (55 last year, team probably just as good/better but like the people of Mississippi, I am being conservative)

Losses: 27

Division: First place AL East (3-4 ahead of Dover)

Playoffs: Don't know yet, wait for official WBB predictions

Team: (* indicates a prediction, all others are locks

2B Lee Doffman

1B Nick Hug

LF Michael Chansey

3B Omanyte Davis

DH Clif Bar

RF Kevin Hate

SS Blake Erie Monster

CF Brodell Beckham Jr.*

C Chad Turban

______________

BC Diglett O'Doul*

BN Blaine Flamingo (IF/OF)

BN Edward Marcus Timmons (OF)

BN Stevenson Stevenson* (UT)

______________

SP Clyde Duncan

SP Doug Tentacles

SP Samuel Bradams

SP Nick Ruggles

SP TJ Condo*

_______________

RP Luigi Rizzo*

RP Doig Yentacles*

RP Sven Cash*

RP Banjo Martinez*

RP Whiff Cavern Mumford

RP Paul Merfest

CP Owl Flowers

2015 PWBL
AL East:

1.      Kabutos (2) – Even before the signing of Kevin Hate I had them pegged to reclaim the division. With four “aces” (Duncan, Tentacles, Bradams, and Ruggles would all be #1 pitchers on most teams) as well as Hate and super-prospect Brodell Beckham III extending a lineup that already contains two MVP quality bats, they should be even better than last year. Remember that NJ won 55 games with the lineup taking a step back and a bullpen that was disastrous outside of the two setup fellows and the closer. Half of the bullpen is still in question but at least we won’t be trotting out the likes of John Axfiat et al to start the season.

2.      Anchors – Last year they hovered around .500 all season as the core that sent them to two Earth Series has aged. They should bounce back a little after signing power hitting Mohammed Li, and after Frank Anchor had surgery to get rid of a literally rusty arm. Along with Wright and Tom Bradley the rotation should be back to a top fiver.

3.      Propels – Dover will take their playoff choking tendencies into the regular season as several scandals, all named by Scott in his rankings, as well as losing players in stupid ways (Mohammed Li, Nelson Boatride, Ray Grains) and suddenly this team looks like they did in 2011-2012, except Jeffrey Independence is a few years older. Dover had the looks of a dynasty, but like Propel itself, looks to be more of a couple year fad.

4.      Druggies – The GM was like “Ya man, like, lets try to do something this year, man.”  He might’ve even used “cuz” a la Mark. They lost LeBron Jimmy, but added Donkey Kong Suh, Ichiro Honda, Giancarlo Stankilogram, and were awarded another year of Josh Gordoff, the idiot. Fresh off victories politically in Colorado, Washington, and others, the Druggies just might see their best season in years.

5.      Players – Everything is going bad for them, a terrible team in 2014 lost Derek Cheater and Dontrelle Chillis to retirement and now have quite literally no pitching, unless you count Gimaybe Smith, which I don’t. Plus Buster Window will get all handsy behind the plate and give up bases to catcher’s interference. My pick for bottom of the AL.

AL Central:

1)     Generals (3) – Far and away the toughest division to pick.  Considered three different teams (obvious which) in what has gone from probably the 2nd easiest division to possibly the best in the PWBL.  The pitching will carry their average to above average lineup.  The Browns themed portion of this team is a laughing stock, but at least there are enough new Indians and Cavs themed guys to make the team very competitive, like LeBron Jimmy, Booms Irving, and Brandon Algae to name a few. Go Cleveland! (In real life, in the PWBL go Kabutos, and to a lesser degree Indy and Wyoming.)

2)     Republicans (4) – Another tough call, as I believe that the three top teams in the ALC will be within 3-4 games of each other, and any of them can win the division. Adding Jeb Hedge and a hopefully healthy Hoppa will make the lineup solid.  Blessing is turning into a powerhouse (not TJ Powerhouse) and makes he and Santorum a very good 1-2 punch.  After that the rotation is pedestrian, but they have “Republican Style” rotation, meaning they only use 4 starting pitchers unless they need a fifth.  Named after the conservative, common sense to this approach, not the team name.  Bullpen is excellent.

3)     Gentlemen (5) – Had them picked to win the 2015 ALC until just a few weeks ago when I got excited about the Indians and Cavs and got all Cleveland-psyched.  They won it last year and made it to the ALCS, and even upgraded, adding Matt Fivete, Hofbrauhaus Washington, and pitcher Truckdale Jones.  Teams usually take a small step back after their breakout year, however, and I think they will be in a three team cluster atop this division, but fall into the WC game. Still wouldn’t be surprised if they ended up on top though.

4)     El Presidentes – Picking them fourth for no reason other than the fact that it’s boring to pick them last.  Lowe Gas-Prices fell to them through no thanks to the blundering GM.  But that along with the surprising acquisition of Nick Empties (What the bleep was Philly thinking?) give them an average, if not slightly good starting rotation.  The rest of the team, however, is beyond awful.

5)     Homes – Battle for fourth place with St. Louis, this team has pretty much nothing going for them except excellent defense behind the plate with Howard Tim.  Enough said about them.

AL West:

1)      Nuggets (1) – Known until last year as a pitching force, they slowly began adding offense to the mix, and now have what I consider the best lineup in the AL.  They added Johnny Kozardo, Jimmy Saltine, and Nelson Boatride to an already stacked one through nine.  Russell Chilson is a perennial Cy Old candidate, but the rotation falls to average beyond that. Still though, every position player could conceivably be an all-star.  That plus the coming back down to earth of the AL West make the Nuggets a fairly easy #1 seed for me.

2)     Something – The 2013 AL West this is not.  What was probably the best division ever is now still a good one, but I’m not even picking a wild card out of this bunch this year.  San Antonio has gotten old, but that hasn’t stopped them the last few years, and if the Spurs do well in the NBA playoffs, something tells me the Something will have a good June as well.  Marsala Hoyer and a non-injured Mitch Dryland could be the key to them competing.

3)     Oblongs – Disappointing year last year and they lost Mohammed Li and a few others. Luckily they were able to resign a few of their many free agents, like Peyton Personning.  They’re not as stacked as they were in 2012-2013, but I think they’ll have a better year than last.  Oh, also they might be losing Hug to Tampa for the month of June.  Will be in wild card conversation for much of the year, but not in serious contention at the end.

4)     Turkeys - They quietly (so quietly, I might add, that I didn’t even remember them doing so until I looked back at last year’s standings) tied for 2nd in the AL West last year.  Behind Frank Sredhot, I think they will have their second straight winning season, but will take a step back overall, finishing very near San Antonio and Wyoming in the 42-45 win region.

5)     Melons – Won’t be as bad as last year, even though many of the real life teams they’re based on are expected to be far worse.  Milwaukee Bumgarner and Colin Kaepernate form one of the better 1-2 in the league, but the team is clearly in rebuilding mode.  And they signed Richard Trentson.  What’s up with that?

NL East:

1)     Dancers (1) – They have the best lineup in the PWBL and the best rotation in the PWBL, ergo they should probably have the best record in the PWBL.  I know it doesn’t always work that way, but it probably will. Last year’s team probably would’ve won 70 games if they hadn’t coasted a la Cavs after they clinched a high seed. And they didn’t lose anyone from that team so they will probably be in the 60s as far as win total again.

2)     Daries (5) – Last year they proved that they had the talent to win, and that the years of futility were brought upon by the Washington GMs who could do no right. They’ve added Hug (one of them) and while I don’t think they’ll win 50 games like last year, should be second in this division and certainly good enough for a wild card in the NL.  Also, re: Washington – Tampa still has people like Robert Griffey III so idk I guess they still control Washington sort of. Including Colt McBashful.

3)     Virginia Beach – New “ace” Cam Oldton brings their rotation out of the cellar, but it’s still not a very good one.  Offense is prolific and packs a “sting.”  Tentacruel O’Neal’s younger brother Tentacool will also make his debut sometime this year. Their schedule is one of the toughest in the league (Their own division repeatedly, the AL West, New Jersey) and while they’ll be in it all the way, I think they’ll be the first team out.

4)     Solo Cups – Boston has overpaid for a few players which was stupid because they have little to no realistic chance at a divisional crown this year.  Both their lineup and rotation are filled with a hodgepodge of decent, yet past their prime players, except Tobias Keith. These include Pablo Siltoval, Victor Shaneino, Jonny Gnomes, Justin Serventson, Clay Dollarholz, and I could go on. Which reminds me of another overpaid player of theirs, Ivan Couldgo-On.  He’s from Indonesia. Wild Card is not impossible, but I’m guessing more of a .500 ish team.

5)     Phillises – They were bad last year, and probably had the league’s worst offseason. Trading away Nick Empties and LeSean McBashful, signing Grady Sizeless, an injury to Haunter Pence, asking Pretzel Kelly to retire and become the coachish GM.  If Cliff Flea and Sam Trotford start the season on the DL, which is certainly possible, they might have literally no PWBL ready starting pitching. Big mess and will be worst in the NL.

NL Central:

1)     Brios (3, but with a worse record than either wild card) – Barrie is overrated.  Well, their pitching certainly is.  Dickey is too old, and the rest just aren’t good (Matt Fortress and friends).  The offense has some power, and especially in the dome they should be near the top of the league in HRs.  Most of the offseason moves they did were stupid long term, but should help this year, like trading for McBashful.  Much like the Blue Jays, it seems they are trying to capitalize on a time when their respective division is the weakest it has been maybe ever.  It’s a race to .500 in this division, with the reward being a first round loss to Atlantic Ocean.

2)     Accents – The last two years they’ve finished 5th, winning 29 and 30 games, respectively. They’re better than that.  In a wide open division, Andrew McCutcheek (yes I think that was what it was) and company should compete until the end, though it wouldn’t hurt them to pick up another good pitcher.  I’m guessing in the high thirties for wins.

3)     Poles – A few attention seekers have picked them to be a breakout team like the White Sox. But after an epic collapse in the second half of last year I don’t see their offseason doing quite enough.  But Brad is rested, and is closer than ever to finding his treasure chest.

4)     Democrats – Everyone forgets they tied for first last year and was a TIEBREAKER away from going to the playoffs and losing to the Dancers themselves.  Once known as the fat team, losing Donkey Kong Suh and Duke Batter the last few years has kind of quieted that.  But their departures, Scherzer’s also, and the aging of whatever Miguel Cabrera’s equivalent would be has left this team in worse shape than recently.  Not expecting good things.

5)     Yizzous – Last year was by far their worst as a franchise, hard to imagine them winning 48 games in 2013, especially since they ended last year with a second half that would make the 2012 Manny Acta Indians look good.  Penguin’s pitching is more than offset by the rest of the team’s terribleness and they signed James Deadweight to illustrate that point.

NL West:

1)     Pineapples (2) – After a 42 win season, Hawaii fans almost rioted, calling for firings and trying to trade up for native Pacific Islander Marcus Luigiota (Or Mario Marcusota, whichever works. Besides, who’s draft pick does Hawaii get anyway, and for that matter which MLB team? Angels maybe? Idk) They’ve retooled and while it’s doubtful they’ll ever look like they did in 09-11, they can win this division again, SD is probably better on paper, but I’m choosing Hawaii for momentum.

2)     Shark Weeks (4) – Even though they won over 60 games for the second (or maybe third, can’t remember) year straight, and also added a third ace, James Swords, to go along with Mark Theshark and Philip Streams, I’m putting them second to get people to overreact in the comments section, and because I do think Hawaii is really good again.  With the AL Central, this is the division that was toughest to pick a winner. Wouldn’t be surprised if they are a 58+ win wild card team, especially with how bad the rest of their division is after Hawaii.  Or they could win that elusive Earth Series.  One of the two.

3)     Drowners – You can’t assume that this team is bad just because it always has been. That’s like when older people think an area in the city is ghetto still just because it used to be.  Manager Jimenez’s genius ways, along with all the malcontents that have been playing sports lately, like Ray Grains, has allowed Los Angeles to turn a corner.  Last year, they were a .500 team after the All Star break, shattering their previous mark for latest date at .500 or better (June 7, 2011, when they were 4-4). This division has no parity, and if they win even 30 games they should finish third.

4)     Debtors – Cool city (or so I’ve heard), bad team.

5)     Crossers – Their team lacks any star power, and while they haven’t been comically bad like some teams, they are probably the most boring.  They lost Kevin Hate to Cleveland late last year, so they hope Andrew Weavins turns into that star, but we’ll see.  Adding to their troubles is eccentric new manager, Sheldon Suarez, who makes his lineup in alphabetical order every game.  He also refuses to manage on Fridays (that’s laundry night.)  Plus there is a movement to drop “border” from the team name as it is deemed offensive, but the owner is standing pat. Probably the second worst in the NL, after Philly.

Le Playoffs:

ALWC: Indianapolis over Lexington (1-0) – The teams are a very even match, but Indy’s bullpen is better, which is key in an all-or-nothing Wild Card game. Plus, Lexington is too close to Cincinnati for them not to lose in the first round of something.

ALDS: Alaska over Indianapolis (3-2) – I wanted to take Indy, because they’ve been steadily improving each year, but Alaska is the most talented AL team on paper, and I think that will show.

ALDS: New Jersey over Cleveland (3-1) – New Jersey’s rotation is built for a five game series, with opponents not seeing a starter who couldn’t conceivably be in the Cy Old discussion. This Cleveland team is new to the playoffs, and while loaded with star pitching themselves, aren’t quite as good as the Kabutos.

ALCS: New Jersey over Alaska (4-3) – Tough tough call here, as this could have the look of the 1995 World Series: the Kabutos daunting rotation vs. the Nuggets stacked lineup. Attack! will give them fits, but this should play out similarly to said WS, and the Kabutos will edge out Alaska.

NLWC: Tampa over San Diego (1-0) – The Sharkweeks have a much better #1 pitcher, and a far superior lineup and should beat nearly everybody in a one game series. This was also true the last few years when they should’ve won the Earth Series. So I’m picking Tampa.

NLDS: Atlantic Ocean over Barrie (3-0) – Really need to write something here?

NLDS: Hawaii over Tampa (3-2) – This will be an interesting series, but Hawaii’s retooled rotation is rivaled only by that of New Jersey and Atlantic Ocean. Tampa is still super young except the HIMYM themed players, who seemed to age decades in one fateful 2014 hour.

NLCS: Atlantic Ocean over Hawaii (4-3) – There is going to be some good CS’s this year, this will be a spectacular matchup every night, like the Tom Brady v. Peyton Manning of Water Baseball. I’m picking Ocean because they’re still the best team in the league.

Earth Series: '''Atlantic Ocean '''over New Jersey (4-2) – Lame, I know, a repeat of the 2013 series. And a repeat champion. SMH how boring can I be. I would be more daring, but unlike the MLB or the NFL, there is a clear best team in the league that is a tier above the others, and that is Atlantic Ocean. They haven’t lost anyone after cruising through the playoffs last year, and are deep enough (pun mildly intended) to withstand injuries. New Jersey might be even better on paper than their 2013 championship team, but Ocean is still possibly the best team ever not counting the 2011 Pineapples. Should be entertaining and not a pain in the ass time zone wise like the ALCS and NLCS would be if my predictions came true. Or like the 2014 Olympics.